The Mummy (2017): Don’t waste your time

I am a fan of Tom Cruise. I put him in the same category as Denzel Washington, in the sense that it’s rare they make films that are not, at the very least, enjoyable.

I tried to avoid The Mummy because word on the film was uniformly negative. Now, critics have made major mistakes in the past: White Chicks is a classic film; and Man of Steel is the best Superman film. I hoped there was a chance that critics messed up when it came to The Mummy.

They didn’t. The film is as bad as everyone says it is. If Tom Cruise wasn’t in this film, I would have left the cinema at the one hour mark – it was that bad. Cruise was the only reason I stayed; I had hoped that some how, some way, the film would turn around and become serviceable.

This is the first time I looked at Cruise in a film and thought, “bro, you look old.” The Mummy has done the impossible and has aged a man that for so long appeared to be winning the fight against father time. More importantly, his acting sucked in this film – and he gave the best performance, for crying out loud.

I am angry because I wasted an hour and a half of my life. I could have been doing something less infuriating… like marathoning season one of Peppa Pig.

Don’t be like me. Skip this film and forget it ever existed.

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