A kebab film: Guardians of the Galaxy



I spent a little time with my best man and his missus in Bristol (god bless the area’s pirate accent) and managed to catch the new Marvel film, Guardians of the Galaxy. That was just over two weeks ago (as from this publishing date) and, I kid you not, I can barely remember what happens in that film.

What I can recollect is the fact that I had fun watching the film. I remember laughing and smiling and being relatively interested in the plot of the film – but, an hour or so after I left the cinema, I couldn’t tell you what made me laugh, or smile or what perked my interest. In fact, I was left with the feeling of bemusement about what the hell I just watched more than any overriding emotion.

Hand on heart, I truly believe that this is the worst new age Marvel film I have ever seen. The plot, or what I can remember of the thing, although interesting at the time now feels regurgitated and… well stupid.

To the best of my knowledge, the film centres around a rag-tag group of outlaws, led by Chris Pratt’s Star Lord, who try to sell a weapon of mass destruction to the highest bidder. Somewhere down the road, the ‘Guardians’ have a change of heart and decide that they’re actually the good guys. They then decide to save the universe from the genocidal maniac Ronan The Accuser.

The characters, even the much celebrated Chris Pratt, felt forced and two dimensional. Don’t get me wrong, I found Pratt funny at times but the majority of his screen time was him trying to be charismatic. Ronan The Accuser was actually laughable, I can’t fathom how on earth that character made it to the finished film.  At no point was I scared of Ronan, not even a little bit. He felt like a pantomime villain and this made the stakes of the film feel pretty low.

guardians-galaxy-nebula-karen-gillanJust to say something nice about the film, I was genuinely shocked to find out that Karen Gillan (the good looking ginger girl from Doctor Who) was the side villain Nebula – she was pretty dope in that role. The whole robot/cyborg thing she had going was pretty cool.

But it was Bradley Cooper who stole the show for me – even though he couldn’t save the film. Cooper was hilarious in every scene and there was a lot of heart in his performance as the talking Raccoon. There was every chance that his Rocket character could have turned into a caricature like the rest of the film’s ensemble but no, he was stellar throughout the film.

Ultimately, this film felt like a late night kebab which always feels good but you end up regretting you consumed it in the end. I really did want to love this film and I wanted to get excited about this world, but this is as hollow a blockbuster as anything I have ever seen. I feel like if this film was directed by Michael Bay people would be less generous with their reviews.


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